No Capes Please


I know it's not true, but I feel like a terrible mother tonight. My house is messy, I forgot to make son #3 brush his teeth before he went to bed, my oldest should probably be doing more school work this evening, and I just can't seem to remember all the things I'm supposed to remind them to finish today...and I just don't care. That's the worst part. My little mind is aching and leaking. It's a traffic jam in there with honking horns, anxious drivers and lights flashing everywhere. I don't even know if I'm going in the right direction either. So, I stall. I just pull over to the side of the road, turn off the radio and the engine...and just sit. All of the commotion before my eyes and ears passes by, ignored. It's like  when someone has the TV remote and is quickly flipping through the channels...about 100 of them...and never stays on one long enough to actually get a story. Just flipping. Aimlessly flipping.
There are energetic, confident moments and then there are moments like these, when I want to hand God the keys and say "You drive for awhile...I need a nap...or a vacation...or a straight jacket". I take great comfort in the knowledge of the fact that the world will not fall apart even if I do for a moment or two. I'm sure other people have much crazier lives than I do, so why should I feel this way? It'll be totally different in the morning. I really should just skip evenings. 

It's OK though. I have coping skills. I don't panic anymore. Been here enough to know how things go. Put kids to bed...put earphones on with "truth tunes"...stare at the mountain in my backyard with sun setting behind it...remember who is in control and will rise the sun again in the morning. Pray for my friends who have it worse tonight...and I know it. Pull out a black leather jacket and a Popeye Cigarette and pretend I'm a rebel. Rebel against thinking I have to perfect...again. Let His grace flow and do what it is meant to do...cover me.

It's so funny how some people think that being a Christian means rules, regulations, legalism and slavery. It's just the opposite. Accepting Jesus and His rulership in my life allows me to throw off my tendency toward perfectionism and focus on His. Eventually, He'll help me get it right. No need to rush and panic. He's got me covered.

Sure, mothers are wonderful, but we are so desperately human too....some of us a little more desperate than others. Desperately needing my heavenly Father's wisdom, patience and power...which He gives generously. It is sometimes difficult to accept the responsibility that goes along with motherhood, but I want no other job. Things aren't always as peachy as they appear with us moms. It would be much easier if we didn't love our kids so darned much. It's part of the potion that drives our desire to do the job well and the curse that makes it so difficult too.

Receiving all the glory and gifts on Mothers Day is awkward when you feel this way. I sometimes want to throw off my cape and yell "I'm not who you think I am! Give these gifts to Mrs.Duggar, or Mrs.Tebow!" Although, I'm pretty sure they would know exactly what I'm talking about too. But, we humbly accept them as acts of love from our sweet  little bundles of total depravity and thank God for their hugs.

I am a mom because God made me one...not because I'm so gifted and qualified.
I'm still a little girl with fears and dreams.
There are no capes in my closet.
When I am weak...He is strong :)

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